


Disaster

by AutisticWriter



Series: Tumblr Prompt Fills [1]
Category: The Fast Show
Genre: Accidents, Bad Cooking, Birthday, Cuddling & Snuggling, Established Relationship, Films, Fluff, M/M, One Shot, References to Other Fast Show Characters, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-19
Updated: 2016-09-19
Packaged: 2018-08-16 01:23:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8081251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AutisticWriter/pseuds/AutisticWriter
Summary: Ralph tries his best to cook Ted a birthday breakfast, but soon remembers why he never cooks. Luckily, Ted is there to help.Based on this prompt from Tumblr: Imagine it’s Person B’s birthday, so Person A wakes up extra early to bring them breakfast in bed. Turns out, Person A has a special skill for burning and ruining any meal they try to create. Cue Person A running into their room yelling, “FIRE” while Person B runs to action and assures Person A that they would rather have cereal anyway.





	

It was Ted’s birthday, and Ralph wanted to give Ted the same treat Ted had given him on his own birthday, so that was why Ralph was out of bed at five thirty in the morning, determined to make Ted breakfast in bed. He knew from years of observing (definitely not spying on) Ted that Ted absolutely loved a fry up, so, yawning, he made his way to the kitchen, and dug the bacon, sausages, eggs, bread, tomatoes and mushrooms out of the pantry. He was so tired, but he wanted to do this for Ted, so he suppressed the urge to yawn and got on with it.

About five minutes later, Ralph remembered why he didn’t cook very much. Somehow, he had managed to get the bacon totally stuck to the bottom of the frying pan, and it wouldn’t come off.

“Crap!” He hissed, wiping his sweaty forehead.

But as hard as he tried to solve the problem, soon thick black smoke was filling the air around the hob. Coughing, Ralph stumbled backwards, not knowing what the hell to do. A few seconds later, the smoke alarm started beeping. And then the frying pan caught fire.

And that was when Ralph really started to panic.

His heart racing, Ralph ran out into the hallway, staring up at the bleeping alarm and wishing he knew what to do. He waved the tea towel in the air, but the smoke alarm wouldn’t shut up. His hands were trembling; the smoke alarm had always freaked him out.

In the end, he hurtled up the stairs and went to get Ted. Ralph didn’t want to wake him, but he didn’t know what else to do. Still coughing from inhaling the smoke, Ralph burst into his and Ted’s bedroom. He didn’t notice that Ted was already sitting up in bed, a confused expression on his tired face.

“Ted!” He yelled. “Fire!”

“What?” Ted said blearily.

He must have reached for the light switch, because the bedroom was suddenly light, and Ralph could see a very puzzled and tired Ted looking up at him.

“I was trying to cook, and I set the frying pan on fire!” He babbled, and he was speaking so fast he was worried that Ted wouldn’t understand him. Luckily, he did.

“Bloody hell!” Ted said, jumping out of bed and rushing past Ralph.

Shaking violently, Ralph followed after him, feeling his legs wobble. He stumbled down the stairs, and found Ted in the kitchen, running the burning frying pan under the cold tap. The flames were extinguished almost instantly, leaving the whole kitchen filled with smoke. They both stood there, coughing and gasping for breath.

“I’ll, I’ll open the window, Ted,” Ralph said weakly, doing as he said, wanting to do something to help.

Coughing, Ted smiled at him. “Thanks.”

Looking down at the cremated pan, Ted sighed and dumped it straight in the bin.

The smoke alarm was still bleeping; along with the smoke, it was really starting to give Ralph a headache. Seeming to read his mind, Ted grabbed one of the chairs from the kitchen table, took it out into the hallway, and climbed up onto it. Ralph watched through the doorway – feeling a little worried just in case Ted fell off – as Ted reached up to the alarm and pressed the button that made it shut up. Ralph breathed a sigh of relief.

“Thanks,” he said.

Ted smiled. “No problem.”

“Can we get out of here?” Ralph asked. “The smoke’s hurting my head.”

“Me too,” Ted said, coughing again. “Come on, let’s go to the living room. We can put a film on.”

Ralph smiled. “Good idea.”

Ted took his hand, and led Ralph out of the kitchen and into their living room. It was still dark, so Ralph switched the light on.

“Sit down, Ted,” Ralph said, “Make yourself comfortable.”

Ted gave him a funny look, but sat down on the middle seat of the sofa, still coughing (Ted’s inability to stop coughing was beginning to remind him of Bob Fleming, the presenter of a programme Ted sometimes watched when they were discussing something interesting; apparently, a lot of people found Mr Fleming’s coughing annoying, but he and Ted found it funny).

Ralph went over to the cupboard where they kept all of the DVDs (and videos, because Ted had refused to throw away the VCR) and sat down on the carpet. As he passed the fireplace, he looked at the clock on the mantelpiece: it was twenty to six. Yet he didn’t feel tired; it must have been because of the adrenaline.

He rummaged through the DVDs, and eventually found what he was looking for, Ted’s favourite film: _Back to the Future_. Turning around, Ralph held up the DVD case so Ted could see it, and Ted smiled. Ralph put the DVD in the player, grabbed the remote, and went to sit beside Ted. Ted put his arm around him, and, as he slumped against Ted, Ralph found the side of his head leaning against Ted’s. Once the DVD had loaded, Ralph pressed play and they settled down to watch the film.

Although Ralph liked _Back to the Future_ , he found the plot confusing, and he couldn’t work it out when he was so tired. Not really interested in watching the film, he closed his eyes, and found himself getting drowsy . . .

Sometime later, Ralph woke up as Ted shook his shoulder, and he realised that the film was finished.

“Wakey wakey, sleepy head,” Ted said, brushing Ralph’s hair out of his eyes.

Ralph yawned, and smiled. He looked at the TV, and saw that the regional news was on. The film must have finished.

“You’ve been asleep for nearly three hours,” Ted said, chuckling.

Ralph raised his eyebrows, and said, with mock indignation, “I was tired!”

Ted smiled. “I know,” he said softly, still smiling.

Once Ralph had stopped yawning and his reflection didn’t look too exhausted, Ted, who had been watching the regional news, looked at him, suddenly looking serious. Ralph had a feeling that he knew what was coming.

“Ralph . . .?” Ted said slowly.

“Yes, Ted?”

Ted patted his hand, smiling. “Um, what were you doing when you set the pan of fire earlier?”

Ralph felt his ears heating up, and knew they looked red. Ted’s reassuring smile didn’t do much to stop him feeling embarrassed.

“I’m sorry, Ted,” he said. “I was trying to cook you breakfast in bed, but it went . . . a bit wrong.”

He looked down at the floor, his cheeks going a red too. He expected Ted to make a sarcastic comment like, ‘A bit? It was a bloody disaster!’ or something like that, but he didn’t. And that was when Ralph remembered that Ted was a lovely person, so of course he wouldn’t say that. When he looked up at Ted’s face, Ted was smiling at him.

“Thanks for the offer, anyway,” Ted said. “It was really sweet.”

Ted raised his arm, and let Ralph snuggle up next to him, his shoulder in his armpit and his head on his chest.

“Really?” He said, able to hear Ted’s heartbeat in his right ear.

“Yes, really,” Ted said, giving his arm a pat.

Ralph smiled and relaxed whilst cuddling Ted, glad that his day was getting better.

\---

An hour or so later, Ralph was torn away from watching some crummy American sitcom on the telly when he heard Ted speak, and, to be honest, was grateful for an excuse to stop watching it.

“You know, Ralph,” he said, smiling. “I’m starting to get a bit hungry.”

“You are?” Ralph said, slightly worried Ted would want to attempt some more cooking.

“Yeah,” Ted said softly. “And I don’t know about you, but I really fancy some cereal.”

Ralph looked at Ted, who was grinning at him, and spluttered with laughter. This was why he loved Ted so much, because he managed to make any situation better. And because he was just so handsome, of course.


End file.
